September 2011
65 posts
4 tags
When You Give A Douche A Badge
This guy. C’mon bro. Really? Do you really need to make that big a stink over signalling traffic. Who gives a fuck if that car stays there? There’s no stop light he’s blocking. Just a fat dickhead with a traffic cop suit on. G’fuck yourself.
6 tags
Stop Hitting Me In The Head With Your Fucking...
This is what I picture you looking like, sitting behind me on the train, just laughing at me. I’m sitting there, minding my own business, trying to go to sleep, when you just keep moving my head and hitting my head as you turn your newspaper. Who the fuck taught you how to read a newspaper? You’re an asshole. I can just see you sitting there, laughing to yourself about how much of an...
5 tags
If This Rail Could Talk
It’s tell me all about the many retards it’s had lean against it whilst on the bar car. Take me for example. I’m slightly buzzed, just wondering how many button-downs have had to lean against it to rub it’s beautiful black finish off. For starters, the train probably has been cleaned in 30 years, so I’m going to go with that as the standard amount of time.
8 tags
I Just Don't Know What To Make Of This
Whatever you do, do NOT drop the cutout cock. Oh, and the pantograph is automatic, which means no more needless worrying about manual pantograhing anymore!
Seriously, what if there is a giant cutout cock behind that thing. Like I mean, a paper penis. And only the MTA would keep it behind lock and key, amirite? That’s what they use to fuck you in your ass on a monthly basis.
5 tags
Subway Cell Phone Coverage In NYC: Mixed Emotions
NY Times is telling us the MTA is now making cell phone service available on subway platforms.
The deployment is extremely limited: only four stations in the Chelsea neighborhood on the west side of Manhattan. The initial launch, which acts as a pilot program for a wider rollout of service across the New York subway system, will occur at the C and E platforms at 23rd Street and Eighth...
4 tags
You Better Let Me Over You Fucker
I’ve got my turn signal on. You know I’m trying to get over. Obviously I have to get over into your lane because, I’ve got my fucking signal on. Don’t be a dick. Think to yourself about how worth it to you it is to not let me in. Once I get over, you won’t even give a shit. We’ll be traveling the road together. You and I versus the world. Until I get off the...
8 tags
Hurricane Irene Left Her Mark On The MTA
NYC’s MTA sucked a giant, fat, expensive cock when Irene came to town. To the tune of over $110 MILLION dollars. And you thought they were looking to raise prices before?
Last month’s tempest cost the cash-strapped transit agency $110 million in operating and repair costs, officials said yesterday.
About half that money — $50 million — is needed to fix Metro-North’s Port ...
6 tags
Stop Crouching Down In Your Seat
Because you’re pissing a whole bunch of people of. These people are getting on a crowded trian and are thinking they see an open seat, but guess what, it’s just you all crouched down like a hidden dragon. Personally, I don’t really give a fuck. I’ve been watching person after person walk up to your seat, thinking to themselves they’ve gotten really freaking lucky....
4 tags
One More Person Cuts Me Off While Walking, I'ma...
What do I look like, a fucking crosswalk? I’ve been cutoff as I’m walking about 5x now. I must be invisible, because people are just walking RIGHT in front of me. Well, I have news for you. FUCK YOU. That’s your news. You’re all assholes.
5 tags
Holy Shit Mondays Are The Worst
I know it’s Wednesday, but I wanted to discuss how everything about Mondays sucks. It’s even a stupid name. Sometimes it even ruins my entire weekend. Thinking about this day of the week makes me hate every fiber of everything. Needless to say, add people to this mix, and we’re off to the races. A race of negativity. It’s all uphill from here.
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Goin' To The "Big Apple"? Take The Gothamist's...
Gothamist discusses NYC etiquette for tourists. Pay the fuck attention people. This is like a lifer telling you how to handle jail on your first night.
Don’t say you’re “from New York” when you’re from New Jersey or Long Island. There are very nice parts of New Jersey and Long Island; some very nice people live there. But this is not Boston—you don’t get to...
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How The Fuck Does This Work?
Am I the only one who doesn’t get this? The Magdeburg Water Bridge is amazing. How does it go up? My brain is stuck in an MC Escher mind fart right now and can’t get out.
4 tags
This Conductor Has Swagger. I Like Him.
If you’re going to go for it and be a train conductor, you might as well give zero fucks, about anyone, from here on out. Just like this dude. He don’t give a FUCK. Calling people “buddy”, “big guy” and just letting people get cut the fuck off by the train doors because they’re late. He clocks tickets like it aint no thang. No rhyme, no reason. Just...
6 tags
Do You Really Think You're Going To Get A Seat If...
Please note, the world does not revolve around you. You can’t arrive to the train platform SECONDS before the train is leave, jump on, and just get a seat. Also note, you fuck, no one REALLY wants to sit next to anyone else. The only reaosn people do, is because of inconsiderate fuckheads like you who will jump int the middle of a 3seater with no hesitation. from now on, get on the train,...
5 tags
This Has To Stop Right Here
7 tags
Stank Puss On The Subway
I need some background on this one. For one, is there really a lady somewhere in this video that has a stank ass pussy? Did the woman eat her out, because she put gum in her mouth, right at the jump. We definitely came in halfway through on this one.
The beautiful to notice here is how NO ONE FLINCHES! This lady is SCREAMING about stank vagina, and not one single person cares. One individual...
5 tags
The Hell'd I Do Before an iPod?
I have always hated people in general. Unfortunately, I used to have to interact with complete strangers. Well now, all I do is jam some portable speakers in my ears and the entire world disappears. I no longer have to listen to completely absurd, and pointless, stranger conversations. Where I live at now, peoples’ mouths just move and I don’t hear shit. In retrospect, I would have...
5 tags
Am I Taking This Plate The Wrong Way?
Rod? As in Rod Stewart? As in penis? As in a fan that stands on a rod? Whatever the rod, I feel for those poor fucking kids.
Btw - is this AJ from the Sopranos? Amirite? Only, if it were a Pathfinder.
6 tags
Who Wears Short Shorts?
Homegirl got those shorts on. Somehow. exactly how she did it, remains to be seen. I’m guessing it had to do with a trampoline, half a canister of Crysco(R) and needle-nose pliers. Just guessin’.
Now, I don’t think she looks at all. In fact, thicky-thick is kind of hot. I’m just saying, those are some tight fucking shorts. That’s all. However you want to take...
7 tags
What Is It About Alcohol That Makes Every Man In...
You’ve had no more than a beer and a half, and you’re talking like Pauly Walnuts from the Sopranos. Ease the fuck up sailor. You’re in the bar car on the MTA. Not at the bada-bing. There will be no more pinky rings and adding gratuitous S’s, that sound like Z’s to everything. Capiche?
5 tags
I Might Stab You For Some Of Your Popcorn
I’m on the train. I’m starving. You’re eating popcorn. I want to kill you and eat it. You better do yourself a favor and get off this train before I completely rationalize stabbing you with a G2 pen in your throat and taking your Zaro’s popcorn.
4 tags
Beer Tastes So Good On A Public Transportation
Maybe it’s residual college blood coursing through my veins. Maybe it’s the alcoholism. But one thing is for sure, this beer tastes fucking delish. Fuck the world for the next hour and a half.
And check out Budweiser, eh? Not one inch left unbranded. Can’t even let the popper be just a popper.
6 tags
Chicks In High Heels Are Like Tighrop Walkers....
I was following a female as I walked to the train station. this girl was wearing probably 4” heels. And she was coming from work. Or going to work, as a prostitute. But I was watching her walk. And not in an incredibly creepy way either. The kind of way where you think to yourself, “holy shit, it must be tough to walk in those fucking things.” As er heel would land, her ankle...
5 tags
This Person Sucks
4 tags
If Only There Was A Subway For The World
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So I'm Stuck In A Traffic Jam...
Nothing is moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on my window. I roll down the window and ask, “What’s going on?” he says “Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and are asking for a $10 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection.” “How much is everyone...
4 tags
It's Shit Like This That'll Brightened Up Your Day
Who is Rob? Who gives a fuck. Funny shit in public like this is great. Rob’s hand must be so full of germs as a result, but look at his face, he’s happy as a pig in poop.
And if you’ll notice the people on the left side of the escalator are WALKING. That’s how you do it. You don’t stand on the left, you walk. Escalator 101 type shit.
5 tags
Can I Get Some Windshield Wipers That Actually...
I don’t think I’ve ever had a pair of windshield wipers that ever worked properly. Seriously. I must be cursed or something. They’re either making scraping noises, stuttering along, or the rubber is falling off the fucking rod. And why is it that it always seems the wiper works better on the passenger side of the windshield? That motherfucker sitting shotty doesn’t need...
4 tags
I Wish I Saw More Of This Whilst Driving
Still trying to figure out how these muppets were able to do this. Homeboy must have been holding on to a roofrack, with blatant disregard for his life. There’s no other option. Unless it’s all studio stuff, with green screen and shit. You can never tell nowadays with this kids.
6 tags
Dude On Unicycle Playing The Star Wars Theme Song...
What else can you say to this? The dude is on a unicycle playing Star Wars. Case closed. You don’t mess with perfection.
5 tags
Is There Some Sort Of Emergency I Need To Know...
Because that sign says, “IN CASE OF EMERGENCY PULL”. And the door is wide opened. Is it going to be pulled? Has it been pulled? Am I expected to pull it? There’s too much pressure on me right now. Leave me alone goddamn it!
7 tags
Hows About A Fucking Thank You?
Hey Buddy, you asked ME whether the train you were about to board was the correct train. I answered you honestly, and accurately. And you just turned around and continued on. Not even a glimmer of a fucking thank you anywhere. This cocksucker probably never said thank you ever. He certainly has never said thank you after someone complimented him on his really thick, and ungroomed, mustache....
6 tags
And Yet Another Reason Not To Run From The Cops
God. Damn.
Homeboy got lit the fuck up. And for what? Does it matter? Is there any crime you could commit that would be worth getting absolutely leveled by the law? And I really appreciate the Maglight in the officer’s hand that was on during impact, to help you really understand to movements of an out-of-shape cop jacking up some skinny, presumable on meth (aren’t they all...
8 tags
And This Dude Grabs The Flood By The Balls
Your car is flooded in? Forget it. Have some fun. Get an idiot friend who doesn’t care about his piece of shit car, attach a rope to said piece of shit car and go wakeboarding. And you know how when you crash wakeboarding, as per usual, on an actual lake, it hurts? Well, don’t mind the pavement just a few feet underwater. Pay no mind it’s like rubber when wet. I think.
4 tags
How The Fuck Do You walk Like That?
Seriously, you walk like you are sitting on a ski pole. Sure, your posture is more than likely Doctor recommended, but you look like a giant asshole. No, you really look like a physical asshole. All tight and puckered up, just waiting to let loose. Do you let loose? Do you enjoy yourself, ever? I bet you wear the same suit to bed everynight. Those are your work clothes, and your pajamas. Unbutton...
6 tags
Designated Driver Killed After Road Rage Argument
This is an absolute shame.
HOUSTON (KTRK) — A designated driver was shot and killed in an argument fueled by road rage, officials said.
The shooting happened around 3:45am Sunday at an apartment complex on Plum Creek at Gulf Creek in southeast Houston.
The victim was rushed to Ben Taub General Hospital in serious condition, but he did not survive.
According to police, the suspect and...
7 tags
G'Head Get Comfy
I personally wouldn’t sit, let alone lay, on the ground of the MTA train. I don’t even like walking in the house with my shoes on after riding the iron horse. But this guy. This guy has less than zero shame. Or any sense of how germs transfer surfaces. But whatever. I’m sure the book was a good read. Good enough where you HAVE to lay down to enjoy it. Play on playa.
6 tags
I'd Like To Rewrite This Advertisment
I’m all for the “If you see something, say something.” Because hey, why the fuck shouldn’t you. But I would like to propose a slight change, and I think it might be more accurate, and attention grabbing. Instead of saying it was “left by accident”, I say it be changed to, “left by some inconsiderate asshole.” Because only assholes leave their stuff...
5 tags
C'mon, Let The Man Do His Thing!
From somewhere near Philthadelphia. Oh, Ohio.
A man’s decision to commute by golf cart has become controversial in a town in Ohio.
Robert Kuhlman says his cart is street legal, as it even has seat belts, a horn, mirrors and a windshield, but some city leaders want to restrict the vehicles on city streets. The council is going to put the item to a vote.
Dude. The guy’s just trying...
5 tags
Holy Shit. I'm Dreaming About Commuting To Work.
Woke up one night this weekend after dreaming about sitting on a crowded train car. Holy fuck. My life is absolute shit. I’m DREAMING about boring ass shit I do on the reg during the week. I didn’t even get to see/touch boobs, fly, or even eat something good. I was dreaming about just sitting on a train. My life is beyond pathetic.
7 tags
We've All Met This Asshole
5 tags
We Have An Emergency In My Mouth. It Doesn't Have...
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I Can Gaurantee You This Dude Never Cuts The Line...
First of all, the dude in the white hat MUST be on roids. And if he is, he should start lifting weights too because he aint getting yolked up at all. You’re just getting the rage - not a good look.
Rule #1 of line cutting, you must be willing to be a dick to the very end. If you’re going to start out being a dick, when someone confronts you, you need to stand your asshole ground....
5 tags
There Might Be An Accident Or Two In This Video
Just not a good part of the road. And also, all these idiots getting out of their cars and chilling in the breakdown lane, that’s How To Die On A Highway 101 shit right there.
Ever been in car trouble and be forced to stand on the side of the highway? I don’t care how manly you are, that shit is unnerving. The cars seem like they’re going light speed, and you get REALLY...
5 tags
If You Do This, You're An Asshole
6 tags
Brilliant Marketing. Now Get Out Of That One.
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What a Bunch of Assholes!
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I Dare You Not To Be Judgmental
Saw this on Barstool yesterday. How the fuck can’t you look at this picture and be like, I’m fucking racist.
I’m sure he’s a great guy, really. Probably a champ at his local karaoke bar and everything. But he wears a fucking turban, and works for airport security. That’d be like a Rabbi wearing a nazi uniform to synagogue. Amirite? Perhaps there’s some sort...
6 tags
Yes I Did See This On The Train
What you see is what it looks like when the garbage can is removed from the bar car. God only knows how old that filth is, and he only knows what sort of bacteria is running rampant.
I don’t know about your trains, but my trains, are fucking filthy. I have to shower in Purel after riding them, and then still have to take a piping hot shower. And guess what? I pay over $320 a month to ride...
8 tags
There's Something Incredibly Enjoyable With...
Mass transit can make people, who otherwise would waddle, actually giddyup and run. When a train is run on a tight schedule, and your fat ass is running late, well guess what, you’re fat ass is now running. And it’s nothing short of hysterical. Watching your bag bounce off your oversized hips, as your muffin tops are exposed to the elements because you refuse to buy a new, larger,...