Commuter Contempt

Metro North Web Ticket Fail

Tue, 22 Nov 2011 10:06:05 -0500

You fucking kidding me? So under the section “buy online and save…” it says that I will no longer be able to save come 2012. Oh, and this is after a fare increase! Pure hysterical comedy.

I hate my fucking job

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 11:16:05 -0500

So any little thing is going to set me off today. You could be reading about a guy who loses it, throws his bag AT the train as it pulls in, and pisses in the vestibule

Every single person

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 09:36:05 -0500

Can go and fuck themselves, hard. Stop walking slow right In front of me. Or you’re going to get shoulder checked into the tracks.

Annoying ladies on their way to the city for the day

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 07:24:12 -0500

Do me one fucking favor and shut the fuck up,ok? You are being overly loud and need to settle down. You’re acting like a bunch of little girls before a middle school dance.

Heard of earphones?

Thu, 03 Nov 2011 07:31:57 -0400

Dude, you have got to be fucking kidding. You are poaching up and down the platform blasting shitty music on your cell phone. Not only did that song come out in 2009, but you look like a huge ass just pacing around with your hood pulled up. In the words of biggie, ’ you soft fool’

Jet Blue Blows It

Wed, 02 Nov 2011 16:00:05 -0400

Flying is a necessary evil. No one REALLY likes to fly. Unless you are a child and it’s your first time. Or you have dreamed your whole life that you should die in a plane crash. Other than that, no one wants to step foot on a metal canister to fly through the sky like humans were never intended to do. And then this shit happens.

Travelers on at least four planes were stranded on the tarmac of an airport in Connecticut for more than seven hours Saturday leaving some without food, water or working toilets.

The planes ran out of snacks and bottled water midway through the long delay, according to reports. There also was no running water for the bathrooms, rendering them unusable.

Holy shit, what I wouldn’t have given to have had access to a webcam to watch shit go down on that plane. I can totally see this turning into Lord Of The Flies real fucking fast. Flight attendants must have been ready to impale themselves on some plastic cutlery halfway through. If there are two things people need as a necessity for happiness, it’s working toilet and peanuts. You lose one of those, and you’re looking at a long afternoon. You lose both of them well, you better pull the emergency chute that that guy a couple years back, grab a six pack and head for the hills.

Way to go Jet Blue, and the entire airline industry. What a shitshow.

Goddamn! Yet Another Obvious Scientific Study...

Wed, 02 Nov 2011 14:00:06 -0400

Look at me! I look like an asshole!!

Fucking Swedes. Is there nothing to do over there besides analyze people? Makes some fucking meatballs will ya? They’ve launched another study that links commuting with stress. Next, they’re studying the correlation of porno and jerking off…can’t wait for the results!

Your work commute is: (A) a bike ride or brisk walk; (B) a traffic jam; or (C) a crammed bus or train.

If you chose B or C, this could mean trouble for your health. A new survey of over 20,000 Swedes, aged 18-65, linked public transportation and car commutes to greater stress and exhaustion, and poorer health and sleep quality, compared to active commuters who biked or walked. No wonder the “healthiest women in America” have walkable commutes, according to a USA Today report.

Listen. The reason people suck it up and take the train, subway or drive is because it’s the fastest fucking way to get to the office. Going to work blows bad enough, the last thing you want to pile on top of that is a longer commute. There’s no way I’m adding anything “brisk” to my commute, bitches. I want in and out. And if that means watching a homeless woman wipe her ass with the New York Post, then I”m OK with that. So take your studies and wipe YOUR ass wipe them. I did.

I Guess This Is How You Are Suppose To Properly Complain About Commuting

Wed, 02 Nov 2011 12:00:05 -0400

The complete opposite of Commuter Contempt is right here. Brace yourself! It’s smart, thoughtful, and incredibly effective.

The Entire Time?

Wed, 02 Nov 2011 10:00:05 -0400

These broads have been yucking it up the entire train ride to the city. And the worst part is, it appears they take this train everyday. Meaning, I now have to watch out and make sure I don’t sit near them ever again. Yeesh, the burden I carry…

"Well, Find It"

Wed, 02 Nov 2011 08:00:05 -0400

- Train Conductor aboard the Metronorth line in NY in regards to a rider not being able to find their ticket.

I know conductors have probably heard every single line in the book. “Oh man, I JUST had my ticket,” “Someone must’ve stolen it.” or “You don’t know me! Fuck you!”

So I normally feel for them. But yesterday I witnessed first hand a conductor just jumping ugly without proper provocation.

The rider was like, “I’m looking for my ticket. I did just have it. I’m not trying to pull anything over on you.” To which the conductor just says, like a dick, “Find it.” That was all. Nothing more, nothing less. And it was said in a less than pleasant manner. Like, jeez, thanks for the awesome advice Mr. Conductor man. What a great idea! Maybe I should just find it!

End of the story the conductor came back, the gentleman was unable to locate his ticket and paid $20 for an onboard one-way.

I will give the conductor this. He did apologize afterwards. But only after quoting the ticket price as $7,258…

"GO FUCK YOURSELF"

Wed, 02 Nov 2011 08:00:05 -0400

- Some ANONYMOUS douchebag troll on Commuter Contempt site who can’t figure out how the comments section works so submits a question stating most unoriginal content ever.

Oh, It's Glove Season!

Tue, 01 Nov 2011 16:00:06 -0400

It’s starting to get cold out there folks. Snow has fallen, nipples are getting harder every day, and I’m putting on my gloves like a motherfucking hitman, EVERY single time.

There’s something so empowering about making a fist while wearing leather gloves. Nobody can fuck with you. It’s you against the world. And you’re winning every time. And not to mention the germ factor either. You can grab doorknobs at random, hold on to the escalator handle, punch in your pin at the ATM, and not give one shit. I don’t care if I’ll be feeling like the air is going through my pants in 3 months, fuck it, I get to wear gloves bitches!

What Would Make A Man Paint His Car Like Fruit?

Tue, 01 Nov 2011 14:00:05 -0400

I don’t like ANY food enough to paint my car to look like it. It’s not even like it’s a good paint job either. frankly the best thing about it are the seeds, and those don’t even look that good. And holy shit did this guy just mail it in when he started painting the rind.What a shit rind job.

This Fucking Guy Is O-U-T

Tue, 01 Nov 2011 12:00:06 -0400

Either that or he’s giving his imaginary friend a beej. Homeboy is just comatose!

I’ve never been able to understand how people just get that asleep on a train. Every time my body sense REM, I wake the fuck up. All paranoid and shit. I wake up worrying if I’m drooling or snoring. If only I could learn to be like this dude.

Commuters, It's Shit Like This

Tue, 01 Nov 2011 10:00:06 -0400

You are not at your house. Therefore, do not take your shoes off and lounge aorund as if you were laying down at home. Leave your shoes on while on mass transportation. It’s simple, right?

No, I'im Serious This Time. I'm Never Sitting Outside The Train Bathroom Again.

Tue, 01 Nov 2011 08:00:05 -0400

I sat there because I thought, “who the fuck would shit in a public bathroom, let alone a bathroom onboard a disgusting train to begin with? So what’s the difference if I’m sitting outside the bathroom” Well, apparently the answer is, multiple people would shit in there.

For instance, this morning two disgusting human beings shit in the train bathroom. Want to know how I know? Because I sat outside and could SMELL their shit. No joke. The smell of human asshole permeated the car. I just can’t do it again. Never again.

It's A Spooky Halloween Taking You Home For The Holidays

Fri, 28 Oct 2011 17:00:06 -0400

It's Going To Be A Good Good Day

Fri, 28 Oct 2011 16:01:05 -0400

I somehow managed to get the solo seat on the train this morning. Which can only mean one thing, my day might now just giant balls. I pray to God today goes smooth and people don’t piss me off too much. So far so good. But you never know with these unpredictable humans.

Can This Person Leave Their Car Unlocked And Open?

Fri, 28 Oct 2011 15:00:05 -0400

The answer is yes. A giant fucking YES.

G’head, take anything you like…

If Only I Got Stuck "Behind" Someone Like This On The Escalator

Fri, 28 Oct 2011 14:00:05 -0400