Commuter Contempt

It’s as if you WANT to sit in the middle. Seriously, it’s 12 minutes before the train leaves and you don’t even bother to look for your own seat. you walk right onto the train and demand to sit in the middle. It’s fucking disturbing, really. You, as a human being, should want to sit as far away as possible from other human beings. Oh, and I hate you.

I don’t know if this is your first time on a peak AM train. And I don’t know if you know that you’re a litttttttle husky. You’re not huge, just a good amount overweight. So when you ask to take the middle seat of a 3seater, know your role and don’t fall asleep and keep smacking others next to you with your fat, asleep arm. It’s annoying. I pay way too much for this shit.

Yeah, I just stepped foot on this overcrowded train, but don’t you worry people sitting on the end of a 3seater with an open middle seat. I’m not that asshole who will ask to sit in the middle. Listen, you don’t like me, and I don’t like you. I’d rather stand for over an hour on a moving object, just so I don’t have to rub elbows with you. Suck it.

I realize it’s an empty train, I do. But I also realize that at the next stop, this fucking car will fill the fuck up. So I’m deciding to sit on the end of the 3seater which you’re sitting in. Why? Because I like to sit at the end of 3seaters for starters. So if I sit at the end of an empty 3seat, some douche getting on the next stop will invariably want to sit in the window seat, like a five year old child. So I’m going to plop my ass here because I’m lazy. And you don’t seem so bad to sit next to.

There’s plenty of room on the train dude. So why the fuck are you asking to sit in the middle of a 3seater? You like sitting in between two strangers? Does that make you feel safe? Like nothing can hurt you? Well it’s really fucking annoying - please don’t do it. I’m not just being a dick because I hate sitting next to people but the train wasn’t even packed. There were seats open in 2seaters and you opt for the middle of a 3. It just doesn’t really make much sense is all. Well, enjoy the middle seat you asshole.

I have both witnessed and performed some brazen acts a rail commuter. With my own eyes, I’ve witnessed people piling up bags to as to avoid any other human being sitting next to them. Morbidly obese riders ask to sit in the middle of a 3seater, and people trying to scam free rids. However, I have never seen such contemptuous boldness as this one fucking guy.

It’s one thing to grab an end seat, or maybe even a 2seater and do you damndest using nonverbal communication in an attempt to coerce other riders not to sit next to you, but this chap said “fuck the world” this is my shit and plopped down in the thick of an empty 3seater. A+ for asshole, F for fucking douche.

His thought process WAS solid. People in general hate sitting next to other folks, so in his mind he went and grabbed the least desired seat, therefore making the seats around him even less desirable. I am going to coin this “Asshole Osmosis”. By acting in an asshole manner yourself, you directly affect the immediate area around you, resulting in overall negativity. Even worse than being near a somewhat normal person, is being near a completely normal asshole. No one likes that ever.

For the record, the individual did end up moving his larger frame to the inside seat when a warrior called hi bluff. For every action there is an equal or opposite reaction. His action got put on blast. But for a short while he was king of his domain as the CEO of a 3seater. God bless your soul fearless commuter, God bless your tiny little soul.

You grabbed the middle seat of an empty 3seater. Good for you tho, not one person seating next to you. Ballers gonna ball.

I chose the spot directly next to the bathroom to avoid human contact. You have to go and march your ass down the aisle and sit next to me. So now, not only do I have the smell of a port-a-otty bathroom fart to deal with, but also and grown man sitting next to me , fucking my shit up. Thanks for everything cocksucker.