Commuter Contempt

Can go and fuck themselves, hard. Stop walking slow right In front of me. Or you’re going to get shoulder checked into the tracks.

Thank fucking God people have cameras just rolling in their cars 24/7 nowadays. 15 years ago, this would have been nothing but a funny story. Today, it’s the greatest thing I’ve seen all week.

What do I look like, a fucking crosswalk? I’ve been cutoff as I’m walking about 5x now. I must be invisible, because people are just walking RIGHT in front of me. Well, I have news for you. FUCK YOU. That’s your news. You’re all assholes.

Please note, the world does not revolve around you. You can’t arrive to the train platform SECONDS before the train is leave, jump on, and just get a seat. Also note, you fuck, no one REALLY wants to sit next to anyone else. The only reaosn people do, is because of inconsiderate fuckheads like you who will jump int the middle of a 3seater with no hesitation. from now on, get on the train, and stand in the vestibule if you are anything under 2 minutes before departure.

I was following a female as I walked to the train station. this girl was wearing probably 4” heels. And she was coming from work. Or going to work, as a prostitute. But I was watching her walk. And not in an incredibly creepy way either. The kind of way where you think to yourself, “holy shit, it must be tough to walk in those fucking things.” As er heel would land, her ankle would sort of struggle to find it’s balance, and at any moment it seemed as though she would just topple over. And this was with every single step she took! Why not wear some smaller heels, or flats, or something that doesn’t make you look whore-ish at work. On the bright side, your calfs…they looked nice. Must be due to all that struggling while you walk.

Who is Rob? Who gives a fuck. Funny shit in public like this is great. Rob’s hand must be so full of germs as a result, but look at his face, he’s happy as a pig in poop.

And if you’ll notice the people on the left side of the escalator are WALKING. That’s how you do it. You don’t stand on the left, you walk. Escalator 101 type shit.

Seriously, you walk like you are sitting on a ski pole. Sure, your posture is more than likely Doctor recommended, but you look like a giant asshole. No, you really look like a physical asshole. All tight and puckered up, just waiting to let loose. Do you let loose? Do you enjoy yourself, ever? I bet you wear the same suit to bed everynight. Those are your work clothes, and your pajamas. Unbutton a button every once in a while will ya.

I get it. To each person you are allowed a certain amount of space to protect yourself from wet raindrops, but jesus christ, there’s no need to go and get all cunty about everything. Your umbrella just smacked me in the back of the domepiece so you could walk safely by. But before you go, I must say, fuck you, you twat. Watch your shit whore. It’s not even like your umbrella is that huge. And if you do hit someone in the head at least say goddamn sorry. Bitch.h

Thing about this video is, it’s not done on purpose. Meaning, some dude took a time lapsed video of the shit right outside his window and saw this. From youtube:

I made a 24/h time-lapse video outside of my balcony on 5th and Spring in Downtown LA. I noticed a peculiar man walking, err… drifting along the street as if the wind was blowing him and nothing else. It’s 8 times the speed of normal time, so this video is about 5 minutes in real time.

This dude is somethin’ huh? It’s as if he were moving his body under the assumption that someone somewhere might just happen to be recorded in time lapse. He must have been on the opposite of meth.

Every morning, when I emerge from the catacombs of Gran Central onto Madison and 47th, I have to walk by a Cafe Metro. Walking by is not the problem, it’s the exhaust vent that blows in my face at 45mph, and smells like sauteed skunk rectum in a homeless man’s urine reduction sauce. It is just one of the more unpleasant encounters on my walk to work from the train.

You fucking prick. It’s morning rush goddamnit. You do not stop anywhere on the escalator, and I mean anywhere. Not even the top as it comes to a level. If you do this…then fuck you.

It’s so creepy. And unintentional. Rubbing hands with you was awkward, and I apologize. I don’t know if it was my fault, or yours. It doesn’t matter. Let’s just part ways and never speak of this again.

And I use the term “guy” very loosely. No jokes, they might be wearing the same exact pants. What if they don’t even know each other, but saw that they both had on identical leggings and sparked up a convo right there. Stranger things have happened. Like a man and woman walking together in IDENTICAL WHITE JEANS.

Can you feel me walking behind you? Do you realize that I want to pass your fucking ass because you’re walking way too slow on a sidewalk? I decide to go left around you, you go left. I hope you get creamed by a taxi.