Commuter Contempt

Can go and fuck themselves, hard. Stop walking slow right In front of me. Or you’re going to get shoulder checked into the tracks.

You know when you fill up your tank and go to lock the pump handle in place and there’s nothing to enable you to accomplish this? I fucking hate that.

Listen, I want to spend money at your fucking gas station. But guess what? I’m not going to buy one more fucking thing besides this gas if you’re going to pull this shit. Fuck you. What’s the point of this anyhow? According to the world wide web, it’s so you don’t forget that you’re filling up and driving away. Or created static energy by going into your car. Well fuck that. When’s the last time you heard of a gas station going aflame because of static charge. Me? I’ve never heard that shit. But I have seen a ton of idiots drive away, thanks to fail blog.

Thanks to Google images, I found this fix. FTW!

It’s Grand Central Terminal.  Probably the busiest anything anywhere. Walking through GCT is just plain awful - way too many people. And most of them start walking, then stop. Either because they’re lost, or are too busy looking like a tourist. But these slapcock Carltons from the University of Rochester are just waiting for someone to turn and pay some sort of attention. Not only was the song just meh, but it came off as desperate. Like the really drunk chubby girl that would be at every college party, just BEGGING for cock. And no one wanted to give it to her because the stench of desperation just made their peepees soft. Yeah, this, is just like that.

If you had any brains at all, you’d dress like some homeless dudes, sing that gay song again, and wow the tourists walking outside. Tourists eat the homeless act up. Which is why this guy makes a living.

No joke. It sounded like large rats scratching at 80 grit sandpaper. Maybe it was a prelude for some better part of a cell ring, but what I heard was nothing short of wtf inducing.

In any event, put it on vibrate beyotch.

Please make a goddamn choice.

You are taking up precious real estate, but have been up and down multiple times mingling with your friends who happen to be standing on the train. Dude. Pick one and go with it. Just because you leave your bag on your seat doesn’t mean it’s all good and you get to keep your spot. You’re a cunt. Grab your bag and stand, or sit the fuck down. The choice is yours.

Homeboy is pissed at someone. Mofo wants his ID or something. But none of that matters because he’s hysterical. Hysterically comical.

God, I wish I had some backstory here.

And to the dude who is videotaping this gem, I know you probably don’t want the crazy guy seeing that you are taping him, but at least TRY and hold the shit straight up. My neck is fucking killing me.

How about, no? There must be another piece of shit scrap car laying around the yard somewhere, right. I mean, every other car on the train is a piece of shit scrap, and you mean to tell me you can’t find one more?Now we’re stuffed like sardines in here because you’re “short a car today”.

And don’t call us “folks”. I don’t know why, but it pisses me off. It’s like when someone calls you “chief”, or “champ”. Fuck you with your stupid nicknames. You call me sir motherfucker.

Seriously, they are RIGHT THERE at your finger tips. A simple flip up or down and it goes on. So, why not fucking use them you ass? I’m sitting here guessing whether you’re just slowing down to a near stop, or taking a turn. The reason I didn’t know what you were doing was because you didn’t use the easiest amenity available in your car.

Like today, for instance, I saw the coolest fucking thing ever. A stupid lady with her cell phone on speaker was sitting on the train. The dude I’m sitting directly across from didn’t even flinch. He nicely said, “Excuse me. Can you please turn that down?” And she did! It was fucking amazing. No joke. We need more of this motherfucker riding the rails. I’m too scared to get stabbed to ask anyone to stop doing something that’s annoying on the train. And I know that when I ask it would notbe as nice, therefore leading to an inevitable confrontation. This guy is a leader. A trailblazer of sorts. He should write a book. I’d read the shit out of it.

This is a serious fucking problem people. No matter what I do to my windshield to clean it, it doesn’t get nor stay clean. It’s a stubborn cunt. Sure, everything looks good for a bit, then when you hit the sun or drive at night, you see more streaks than my underwear after a fiber one bar. Can’t these automobile manufacturers just figure something out already as to how to accurately clean a goddamn windshield because I sure as shit cannot.

Yeah, I fucking hate that.

I’m sitting on the train and my BlackBerry would shut the fuck up. The double vibration is driving me crazy. Why do people wait until Friday to annoy the shit out of you with stupid items that could have been taken care of earlier in the week? Doesn’t everyone know Friday is the day to put 50% into your job because the weekend is staring right at you in your face? If you don’t know, now you know. Stop sending me emails work fuckers.

It’s raining. Not pouring. There is no old man snoring anywhere. But there’s a train that normally stops at the end of the platform, where the covered stairs are conveniently located, chooses to stop further down. Not a life or death situation here, just a less than desirable, somewhat wet, longer walk. You cunt.

We’re on a public train and you’re just making a Goddamn racket with your abusive typing. What did your laptop ever do to you, huh? It’s provided all the smut you’ve ever desired. It’s let you check your email while on the way to work. So calm the fuck down and stop typing like a gorilla on meth you silly little fuck.

There are no words that can express how annoying it is to stop at Fairfield CT as the last stop on an express to Grand Central. The train could be empty before arriving here and the thing would still fill the fuck up. I’m talking people standing, every seat taken, similar to Thanksgiving or some shit. Just ri-goddamn-diculous is all. But it’s not really Fairfield’s fault at all. It’s Metro North’s. Fuck you Metro North for not adding some trains on this always packed ride, you cunts.

There’s plenty of room on the train dude. So why the fuck are you asking to sit in the middle of a 3seater? You like sitting in between two strangers? Does that make you feel safe? Like nothing can hurt you? Well it’s really fucking annoying - please don’t do it. I’m not just being a dick because I hate sitting next to people but the train wasn’t even packed. There were seats open in 2seaters and you opt for the middle of a 3. It just doesn’t really make much sense is all. Well, enjoy the middle seat you asshole.