Commuter Contempt

Well, I’m in basically the same situation. Except the two-by-four is a metaphoric FUCK ME IN THE ASSHOLE from these two douchebags who are in a competition to see who can drive slower, whilst taking up both lanes. They are jockeying for slowest position, and I’m behind both of them on a two-lane road just needing to get by. If Only I had a plow truck right now. Both these jerks would be on the side of the road right now.

Then why you asking me where the train stops, as if I am one. I’m on this train because I did my independent research on which train I should take to get me where I need to go. What I didn’t do was walk on the train a generally blurt out the question, “…DOES THIS STOP IN _______.” Fuck you. I don’t give a shit where you need to go. Where you need to go is to the ticket booth and ask for a fucking schedule.

At first, I want to slap the chick. Then I want to slap the dude who won’t shut up. Then I resort to the fact that I want to just slap every single person I see on screen.

This man and woman go at it with each other on the Bronx-bound 4-train today during rush hour @ the end of the work day.

Now, these people are heading home after a day of work and want to interact with no one. Let alone hearing these two fuckheads just running their gums. Shut up. Leave each other alone, and just shut your mouths.

Also, Joey Boots, the homo from the Stern Show who used to call in and do gay shit, must just ride the rails all day. He lives for this shit. There was one day he went at some woman who wouldn’t let him sit down even though he had a cast. Fuck him. Go enter a shit-off with High Pitch Eric you gay.

I’m trying to take a piss on a late train back from NY, after a night of drinking multiple cocktails. Why you are ever up, and not in bed reading, is beyond me. So why you are knocking on the door of the train bathroom as a joke is nothing  short of massively annoying. Listen, I don’t take it out on you, but your parents, because they suck. Those fucks are sitting outside the bathroom with you, just letting you knock on bathroom doors because you are so fucking funny. Fuck you; fuck your parents; fuck the world. Bitches.

What’s the background here you ask?

So, I was riding the B62 towards Williamsburg, when this lady (pictured) starts playing music on her iPhone. The bus driver hears it and asks her to turn it off or use headphones. Then she absolutely goes ape-shit.

There might be nothing worse than when someone is already in the wrong, and then they go and get mad at someone for calling them out on their shit. It seems to be a recurring trend, whereby passengers feel “entitled” to something when riding. It happened recently with an educated cunt on her way to New Haven, and now it’s just everyday type shit.

To just blatantly attack a driver, conductor, or cab driver for no reason, well, it’s completely unacceptable. Now, I realize these people can be cunts. But if you become a cunt, because they call you out on your cuntish activities, then you are just a giant dripping twat.

And another thing. Where is Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton on this shit? She called the dude just doing his job a “honky”. Now, I don’t know much, but I’m pretty sure that has some racial overtones to it. This is an outrage I say!

And for the record, I would like to applaud this bus driver for having the balls to tell her to put on some earphones or something. There IS nothing worse than when people think they can play music out loud in public. Fuck you, and your music.

Everybody and their mom is walking like they ain’t got a place to be. Motherfuckers, it’s morning rush hour at the train station, you must be going somewhere. Instead you walk slowly, checking your mobile device, fucking up my shit. Fuck you.

First rule - you are the last to join the party, so you best check yourself because big dicks in your ass is bad for your health. Don’t be an asshole and think you are badass with your elbows out or some shit. No, you are a chump who needs to pick a better timed train where you don’t have to sit in the middle seat.

This one fucking guy fell asleep in the middle seat with his arms crossed. Not really a problem other than the fact that they kept hitting me. This, I can live with. What I can’t live with is how his head was turned towards me, with his mouth gaping open and his horrible breath bouncing off the side of my face. The only thing I could do was be intentionally annoying myself by hitting my arms on his elbows so he would wake up and move his head. It was very successful, for about 2-3 seconds, when his head would roll right back to venting on my face. It was a no win situation.

Oh rule number 2 - respect thy fellow passenger.

Can you feel me walking behind you? Do you realize that I want to pass your fucking ass because you’re walking way too slow on a sidewalk? I decide to go left around you, you go left. I hope you get creamed by a taxi.

There’s never a reason to punch a broad. But this twat sure comes close.

This woman was talking too loud on the train when the conductor politely asked her to keep it down and stop using profanity or to take it to the vestibule. She jumped up and started yelling about how “educated” she is, proving the exact opposite.

There was an announcement a minute later asking all passengers to please not use profanity on the train, “especially those people who went to Harvard or Yale or are from Westport.”

The sister conductor there must really need this job. Or just got her nails did. Because I have no idea how she didn’t just LAY into her face. Pulling the whole, “I just touched you. NOW I HAVE to get kicked off.” No one needs to kick your ass off this train. Get your cunty crotch up and get to the vestibule, AND GET THE FUCK OFF.

Nobody gives a steaming turd about where you went to school either. You aint that smart, you’re riding the fucking train.

Speaking of which. That’s the entire reason this situation arose. She was talking loudly. It’s rule #1 on the train. Also, it’s the most unenforced rule on the train too. Good for this conductor doing something about it. This conductor chick deserves a goddamn raise, and an immediate vacation. With pay. You know she was seconds from goin’ all ghetto. You just know.

If the frame of your body already exceeds to limitations of a train aisle, then you should not  be allowed to carry, or tow, and additional baggage. Your body is more than sufficient to annoy everyone you walk by. No need to add in a couple of carry-ons into the equation.

Shut your fucking pie holes, please. There is absolutely no reason to be talking this early in the morning - unless you two have sex in each other’s assholes. Yes, that’s it. You two must be lovers.

In a summer where gas prices are hovering around the $4-per-gallon mark, just about every working stiff agrees on the benefits of telecommuting. Except one: your boss.

Talking the office naysayer into allowing the occasional telecommute can require exhausting acts of persuasion, career counselors say. “It really is about convincing the boss,” warns Tory Johnson, co-author of “Will Work From Home.”

To accomplish that, she adds, you’ll have to come up with a well-prepared pitch. Keep the following tips in mind.

 » Start with a short-term plan: Don’t approach your boss requesting a permanent change of scenery, Johnson cautions. “It’s a lot easier if you are initially focused on a trial period,” she says.
Plus, Careerbuilder.com career coach Alison Nawoj adds, that will afford you the opportunity to prove yourself.

“Your boss may have concerns that you don’t have good self-discipline,” she says. “This is a chance to convince [him or her] you’re a self-starter.”

 » Ask not what it can do for you: “Whatever benefits you come up with should center on how this can help your employer, not how it can help you,” Nawoj says.

Those benefits abound, Johnson adds.

“For example, if you have a two-hour commute, be willing to give up half that commute time just to start working earlier,” she says.

 » Show that you’ve thought it through: “Recognize that the onus, at least in the beginning, is really going to be on you,” Johnson says. “Do you have the right equipment? Do you have space in your home where you can make this work? Do some research first.”

Dude, just because you have a motorcycle, nobody will give a fuck about you. You are fat, and your seat is barely scraping on the rear wheel. So, just because you gas it and drive fast out of a red light, you are still a fat fucking idiot. You have no idea how much I hate you douches you rev your engine for no reason, and drive fast past my residence, which is so freaking loud. I am so goddamn tempted to throw tack strips out there to teach you a lesson. Fuck you.

It’s bad enough this school bus has stopped ALL traffic, but the kids getting on it make so much worse. Hey, it’s the fucking school bus honey, get on it! Don’t take your time. Don’t climb halfway up the stairs, stop, turn around to mom and yell some trivial shit. Get your fucking body on the bus.

And to the mom who delays the entire thing because the kid has forgotten something and you come running up with a brown paper bag and running like it’s a goddamn relay. Get your shit together. Please.

That is all.