Commuter Contempt

Look at me! I look like an asshole!!

Fucking Swedes. Is there nothing to do over there besides analyze people? Makes some fucking meatballs will ya? They’ve launched another study that links commuting with stress. Next, they’re studying the correlation of porno and jerking off…can’t wait for the results!

Your work commute is: (A) a bike ride or brisk walk; (B) a traffic jam; or (C) a crammed bus or train.

If you chose B or C, this could mean trouble for your health. A new survey of over 20,000 Swedes, aged 18-65, linked public transportation and car commutes to greater stress and exhaustion, and poorer health and sleep quality, compared to active commuters who biked or walked. No wonder the “healthiest women in America” have walkable commutes, according to a USA Today report.

Listen. The reason people suck it up and take the train, subway or drive is because it’s the fastest fucking way to get to the office. Going to work blows bad enough, the last thing you want to pile on top of that is a longer commute. There’s no way I’m adding anything “brisk” to my commute, bitches. I want in and out. And if that means watching a homeless woman wipe her ass with the New York Post, then I”m OK with that. So take your studies and wipe YOUR ass wipe them. I did.

The complete opposite of Commuter Contempt is right here. Brace yourself! It’s smart, thoughtful, and incredibly effective.

These broads have been yucking it up the entire train ride to the city. And the worst part is, it appears they take this train everyday. Meaning, I now have to watch out and make sure I don’t sit near them ever again. Yeesh, the burden I carry…

- Train Conductor aboard the Metronorth line in NY in regards to a rider not being able to find their ticket.

I know conductors have probably heard every single line in the book. “Oh man, I JUST had my ticket,” “Someone must’ve stolen it.” or “You don’t know me! Fuck you!”

So I normally feel for them. But yesterday I witnessed first hand a conductor just jumping ugly without proper provocation.

The rider was like, “I’m looking for my ticket. I did just have it. I’m not trying to pull anything over on you.” To which the conductor just says, like a dick, “Find it.” That was all. Nothing more, nothing less. And it was said in a less than pleasant manner. Like, jeez, thanks for the awesome advice Mr. Conductor man. What a great idea! Maybe I should just find it!

End of the story the conductor came back, the gentleman was unable to locate his ticket and paid $20 for an onboard one-way.

I will give the conductor this. He did apologize afterwards. But only after quoting the ticket price as $7,258…

I somehow managed to get the solo seat on the train this morning. Which can only mean one thing, my day might now just giant balls. I pray to God today goes smooth and people don’t piss me off too much. So far so good. But you never know with these unpredictable humans.

You’ve just successfully made my commute longer by 2 minutes. Instead of jumping in the car and just going, now I have to take the time to remove you from my windshield. And of course every scraper I have is a piece of garbage. Let me just make this clear. You and I, are not friends. It is not going to be a pleasant winter if you’re going to be around.

It’s as if you WANT to sit in the middle. Seriously, it’s 12 minutes before the train leaves and you don’t even bother to look for your own seat. you walk right onto the train and demand to sit in the middle. It’s fucking disturbing, really. You, as a human being, should want to sit as far away as possible from other human beings. Oh, and I hate you.

What. The Fuck. Anyone else thinking they’re talking about trannys’ cock-to-vagina surgeries? Well, apparently I didn’t go to college for 9 years, because this is what it is.

WEDNESDAY, May 11 (HealthDay News) — In women, a vaginal mesh support is more effective for repairing a common type of pelvic organ prolapse — which occurs when pelvic organs fall out of place — than simply stitching the connective tissue in the vaginal wall muscle back together, finds new research.

But the newer procedure comes with a higher rate of serious complications during the surgery, such as bladder perforation and pelvic hemorrhage, and adverse events after the surgery, including new urinary incontinence and pain during sex, according to the study.

I didn’t know pelvic organs ever “fell out of place”. Frankly, I didn’t know there were, pelvic organs. But holy shit.

Train advertisement on LIRR. Thanks MetroAds!

You just used the bathroom on the train. Not only is that dumb, but when you left the lavatory someone was waiting to used the damn thing. You, being your normal helpful self said, “It’s disgusting in there!” This makes me think…

1. You like to make painfully obvious comments
2. You just blew that bitch up and are embarassed

Now, I happen to know the answer is #1. For no other reason than you were in there for at most 15 seconds. Which means, you say dumb shit.

The answer is probably yes.

I can’t remember a name to save my life. But a face. I will never forget a face. Maybe it’s because I’m too busy staring at people, judging them, to forget.

But sometimes I will see people from the regular train I take to work, out in public, at the grocery store for instance, and be all like, “yeah, that’s the fucker who takes the train too.” And then I wonder, “Do they recognize me?” And then I’m like, “Don’t flatter yourself bro, of course they don’t”. But they probably do. Because I’m awesome.

I don’t know if this is your first time on a peak AM train. And I don’t know if you know that you’re a litttttttle husky. You’re not huge, just a good amount overweight. So when you ask to take the middle seat of a 3seater, know your role and don’t fall asleep and keep smacking others next to you with your fat, asleep arm. It’s annoying. I pay way too much for this shit.

You can’t really fault this lady person too much for strapping a cell phone to their head. At least she’s out there making moves. While you’re still in you car trying to text without looking at your iPhone keyboard. Or better yet, you driving with your phone on speaker, thinking that’s hands free. Where’s the phone when you do that, huh?

Please note, the world does not revolve around you. You can’t arrive to the train platform SECONDS before the train is leave, jump on, and just get a seat. Also note, you fuck, no one REALLY wants to sit next to anyone else. The only reaosn people do, is because of inconsiderate fuckheads like you who will jump int the middle of a 3seater with no hesitation. from now on, get on the train, and stand in the vestibule if you are anything under 2 minutes before departure.

From somewhere near Philthadelphia. Oh, Ohio.

A man’s decision to commute by golf cart has become controversial in a town in Ohio.

Robert Kuhlman says his cart is street legal, as it even has seat belts, a horn, mirrors and a windshield, but some city leaders want to restrict the vehicles on city streets. The council is going to put the item to a vote.

Dude. The guy’s just trying to get to work. He said it’s street legal. He even has seat belts. What more could you want? It’s eco-friendly, not loud, and you’ll find a reason to ruin this fucking guy’s brilliant idea. All because you didn’t think of it.