Commuter Contempt

Look at me! I look like an asshole!!

Fucking Swedes. Is there nothing to do over there besides analyze people? Makes some fucking meatballs will ya? They’ve launched another study that links commuting with stress. Next, they’re studying the correlation of porno and jerking off…can’t wait for the results!

Your work commute is: (A) a bike ride or brisk walk; (B) a traffic jam; or (C) a crammed bus or train.

If you chose B or C, this could mean trouble for your health. A new survey of over 20,000 Swedes, aged 18-65, linked public transportation and car commutes to greater stress and exhaustion, and poorer health and sleep quality, compared to active commuters who biked or walked. No wonder the “healthiest women in America” have walkable commutes, according to a USA Today report.

Listen. The reason people suck it up and take the train, subway or drive is because it’s the fastest fucking way to get to the office. Going to work blows bad enough, the last thing you want to pile on top of that is a longer commute. There’s no way I’m adding anything “brisk” to my commute, bitches. I want in and out. And if that means watching a homeless woman wipe her ass with the New York Post, then I”m OK with that. So take your studies and wipe YOUR ass wipe them. I did.

Thank fucking God people have cameras just rolling in their cars 24/7 nowadays. 15 years ago, this would have been nothing but a funny story. Today, it’s the greatest thing I’ve seen all week.

You’ve just successfully made my commute longer by 2 minutes. Instead of jumping in the car and just going, now I have to take the time to remove you from my windshield. And of course every scraper I have is a piece of garbage. Let me just make this clear. You and I, are not friends. It is not going to be a pleasant winter if you’re going to be around.

Sure, I know you make shit grow and stuff, but you absolutely fuck up my commute.

People drive like pussies, my windshield wipers suck, and the fucking train I take leaks water. Even though I’m 75% of what you are, you still piss me off.

Because it’s funny, that’s why.

I have watched this 20+ times. It wasn’t until at least the 7th time that I realized there were three dummies in that fucking car. The first guy goes SHOOTING straight up. I’m trying to figure out wear that mofo was sitting. So I never sit in that seat again. The second two dummies looked like they sustained minimal damages and survived. The first one, not so much.

You know when you fill up your tank and go to lock the pump handle in place and there’s nothing to enable you to accomplish this? I fucking hate that.

Listen, I want to spend money at your fucking gas station. But guess what? I’m not going to buy one more fucking thing besides this gas if you’re going to pull this shit. Fuck you. What’s the point of this anyhow? According to the world wide web, it’s so you don’t forget that you’re filling up and driving away. Or created static energy by going into your car. Well fuck that. When’s the last time you heard of a gas station going aflame because of static charge. Me? I’ve never heard that shit. But I have seen a ton of idiots drive away, thanks to fail blog.

Thanks to Google images, I found this fix. FTW!

And……….DROP!

Dude, fighting is retarded. So stupid. Case in point, even though you act like a tough guy, and maybe you are, you can still get knocked the fuck out. Humbled in seconds. And the next morning you wake up with a sore jaw, if it’s not broken, and a shattered ego. Just go drink more and be peaceful you fuckheads.

Oh, and a bitch ass sucker punch too. Case in point #2.

CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?!

Fucking Russians. Goddamn! I fucking love you people. Just giving zero fucks on the reg. Keep on keepin’ on with the no fucks giving, okay?

This truck could literally not be anymore smashed, and still run. HOW?

Incision with precision, son!

Me either. Pretty fucking cool though…even though I was expecting dynamite and shit. Gizmodo explained.

It was taken in England on April 9, using a Canon 5Dmk2 over the course of 18 hours, taking 4,000 images that were assembled in QuickTime. [Thanks Karl!]

Wonder why they needed to remove the thing…

As an aside, takes them what seems like 10 years to build a fucking bridge. And 18 hours to gently remove the thing. Maybe that’s why people can’t get over shit. Like, when someone says, “build a bridge”, it’s easier said than done. Fuck that advice I say. Demolish that fucking bridge, because it’s easier, and looks pretty in stop motion.

At first I didn’t know what I was looking for. Even the second time I still didn’t really know what to look for. Only when they zoom that shit up so close I couldn’t help but notice, HOLY SHIT, there’s a man sliding from the car. And slide from the car in a beautiful manner he did.

It appears as though he is still on a cell phone when it happens. If that is the case, HOLY SHIT, get this man on the Olympic team…for whatever country this is from.

Let me ask you a question. Would this bitch be racist if she never uttered the word “black”. For instance, if she just went after her for being fat, she would just be a twat. But the fact she mentioned “black” she’s a racist. If she just said, “You think you can do whatever you like because you’re _____.” She had so many options to choose from. And she went with the suckers choice. Of course she did.

Homegirl yelling at her to get a cab is spot-on. It’s all in the mass transportation game, girl. you knew what you were getting into. You are the only one who did this to you.