Commuter Contempt

Flying is a necessary evil. No one REALLY likes to fly. Unless you are a child and it’s your first time. Or you have dreamed your whole life that you should die in a plane crash. Other than that, no one wants to step foot on a metal canister to fly through the sky like humans were never intended to do. And then this shit happens.

Travelers on at least four planes were stranded on the tarmac of an airport in Connecticut for more than seven hours Saturday leaving some without food, water or working toilets.

The planes ran out of snacks and bottled water midway through the long delay, according to reports. There also was no running water for the bathrooms, rendering them unusable.

Holy shit, what I wouldn’t have given to have had access to a webcam to watch shit go down on that plane. I can totally see this turning into Lord Of The Flies real fucking fast. Flight attendants must have been ready to impale themselves on some plastic cutlery halfway through. If there are two things people need as a necessity for happiness, it’s working toilet and peanuts. You lose one of those, and you’re looking at a long afternoon. You lose both of them well, you better pull the emergency chute that that guy a couple years back, grab a six pack and head for the hills.

Way to go Jet Blue, and the entire airline industry. What a shitshow.

I don’t like ANY food enough to paint my car to look like it. It’s not even like it’s a good paint job either. frankly the best thing about it are the seeds, and those don’t even look that good. And holy shit did this guy just mail it in when he started painting the rind.What a shit rind job.

I’m fucking gagging right now. Seriously. I fucking love mayo. I put it on almost every sandwich I eat. even cheesesteaks, fuck it. But to just just pound mayo straight from the jar…it leaves me speechless. And not in a good way either. In a I just walked in on my parents having sex doggystyle kind of way.

Listen here lady. See, this is the type of shit you do at home when no one is looking. feel free to run to your fridge in your apartment and have at that beautiful jar of Hellman’s, but do not, for any reason, bring this shit into public. No one wants to see that shit. I don’t care if you don’t care, someone cares, and that someone is everyone. You disgust me you pig.

From Missouri:

Police are investigating a July 8 road rage incident near Highway 30 and Gravois Bluffs Boulevard.  Police said a motorist accidentally cut off another vehicle and in retaliation the victim was struck with a burrito thrown from the suspect’s vehicle. No injuries were reported in the incident.

BAHAHA! You showed that motherfucker, huh.

This has to be one of those scenarios where you do something, and are like, holy shit I can’t believe that just happened. Like this motorist was just throwing the thing AT the other person. There’s no way they thought they were going to HIT the other person. When I was about 10 years old, I’ll never forget this, my brother was in the woods about 50 yards away from me. I picked up a tennis ball and launched it in the air at him. The tennis ball navigated its way through leaves, branches, and ultimately bounced square off the middle of his head. A fight then ensued. But I remember thinking, as he was charging at me, “ho-lee-shit. I can’t believe that actually hit him.” It was worth the scrap afterwards.

In conclusion, don’t waste food you fucking idiot. Take your shoe off and throw it. I’ve always been a huge fan of that.

Every morning, when I emerge from the catacombs of Gran Central onto Madison and 47th, I have to walk by a Cafe Metro. Walking by is not the problem, it’s the exhaust vent that blows in my face at 45mph, and smells like sauteed skunk rectum in a homeless man’s urine reduction sauce. It is just one of the more unpleasant encounters on my walk to work from the train.

I’m a huge advocate for banning food on public transportation. I barely even think it’s acceptable to eat and drive, but when confined to the same small quarters as someone else, in public, it’s both gross and incredibly fucking annoying. Does the MTA share my sentiments?

Via Daily News:

MTA Chairman Jay Walder rejected the idea of banning food in the subway as a way to curb litter that attracts rats and provides fodder for train-delaying track fires.

“I think we all have responsibility to try to treat our subway system and fellow riders with respect. I think that extends to food as well,” Walder said after the Metropolitan Transportation Authority’s monthly board meeting Wednesday.

But he added, “This is a system that carries 5 million people a day, and I’m not sure a ban on food is really practical or enforceable.”

Think about it. He is sort of right, but also completely wrong. If we can’t enforce bums taking steaming dumps on the subway, then how are we expected to ensure no one is eating food on the train? Well, I have a novel idea for you Mr. Walder, start enforcing shit! Let’s expand the budget for some security that randomly patrols subway cars. Even if they don’t do anything, then maybe people might actually feel a little safer. The underground is a source of pure anxiety for some folks, like JD Harmeyer from the Howard Stern Show, and it should be stopped. So why the fuck not start with outlawing food? Let’s take it a step further and just ban annoying people, that should solve everything.

Give me some! I’m fucking starving. Absolutely famished. I will eat your crumbs off the floor. Seriously, start spilling shit on the floor, I will eat it. I DO NOT care what it is. I want. Want some. Some now. So…hung……ree

Listen lady, I chose to sit next to you for no other reason than you completely monopolized the middle seat with trays of cupcakes. I was certain that no one would request that you move your tasty treats from the seat, and yet I was proved wrong by a 4 foot 9 Asian lady with balls of steel. No remorse in her eyes when she asked that you take for food, and shove it…under the seat. You got served.

Are you seriously chomping on a fucking gyro on the train? And did you ask for extra b.o. smell on it?

I will sit near you and use your weakness to my strength. Hoping no one will be able to stand the stench. Kinda worked too.

Hey fat ass fucknuts over there, do you really need to bring food on the public train??  No no.  I’m not talking about a nice little neat PB&J, I’m fucking talking about chicken curry, pizza or anything that smells either really fucking good OR horrendously awful.  Doesn’t really matter which.  Truth is, I’m usually starving when you bring your grub on the MTA.  And, clearly so are you.  So why do you have to be a fucking cunt head and get food you can smell 3 blocks away??  Any food you could cook in your house, and then have company over 4 hours later and STILL SMELL in the air, DON’T BRING IT ON THE FUCKING TRAIN!!!!  I either want to smack you because your food smells dis-motherfucking-gusting, or so delicious that I want to take it from your wrinkly fucking mitts.  Go eat it in the caf or somewhere with a seat that is NOT encapsulated!!