Commuter Contempt

Except litter, doesn’t serve a fucking purpose. These bottles are commuting markers. If I stand a little to the right of these discarded Snapple bottles, the train door will open right in front of my mug. Meaning, no jockeying for position, or worrying about finding a seat. I am sitting in pole position with the pick of litter. Suck it, innocent bystanders with whom I take the same mode of transportation!

I looked down. That’s all I did. All over the yellow line was chewed up fucking gum. Goddamn pigs. I’m talking literally inches from the tracks. They couldn’t even make it to spit over the side, if not in the garbage can. Think of all the shoes ruined because of these fucks. Assholes.

Answer: a whole bunch of shit.

It’s like the homeless hub of train tickets. Motherfuckers just crowded around trying to stay warm. Most of them are probably from the 70’s and 80’s. Oldtimers who pass on wisdom to the newer ticket stubs. You can tell like colors stay together. It’s for safety reasons, obviously. It’s get or get got under there. Only the strong survive. Upon further review, it’s a bunch of shit no one has picked up during the course of the NINETY YEARS it appears this piece of shit has been running.

That has to be what the asshole who dropped this box filled with other garbage must have been thinking. There is no dumpster or anything nearby, in fact, it is a slightly pleasant sidewalk and common area, so there is absolutely no reason this should be here.

Some piece of work probably took it out the back of their truck to make room for something less garbagey. Although it doesn’t really matter because it has been sitting on the side of the road here for the better part of a week. If it is your box, fuck you, pick it up. Then dump it on your douchey head and immediately go fuck yourself.

Look at you. All dressed nice, with your pressed Brooks Brothers button-down and flat-front trousers. Just sitting there reading your Wall Street Journal not giving a fuck about the world. You pop open your healthy granola bar, eat the fuck out of it, and toss the wrapper on the ground.

I’m not a tree-hugging Green Peace asshole, I’m just a decent human being. Meaning, if I bring something on the train, I will bring it off with me and throw my shit out in the garbage receptacles conveniently located on the platform. you obviously subscribe to a different, more selfish philosophy. Let’s call it the Tao of Douche.

…how many cigarette butts can you find??

It’s incredible how many people just chuck their shit out onto the tracks. When a train is coming down the tracks, if you just stare down the line, you will seeing people just tossing their butts out onto the tracks. One after the other they start flying in. Can’t be bothered to properly dispose of their cancer sticks. Nope. Right on the tracks with all the other shit.

ANSWER: 76

Thank you (?) for providing cool looking litter on our seats. What a great idea!  How about you tip toe into your marketing/safety department and fire everybody!!

It can only be a few things.  And none of them I am extremely comfortable with.  Why would you hold on to your snot rags (hopefully) and throw it out in the conveniently placed garbage cans on the platform, when you can just wedge it in between your seat??

…but can’t people ATTEMPT to throw their shit in a fucking garbage. Is it necessary that your half drunken Starbuck’s iced douche caffeine drink be thrown against a white fence?  Or do I REALLY need to run over empty (thank fucking God for that) boxes in the middle of the road.  How about you assholes who just DUMP an old coach on the side of the road. D-I-C-K-H-E-A-D-S!! Have you ever seen those blue boxes where people put their empty soda bottles, or newspapers?? Yeah, I didn’t think so.