Commuter Contempt

Like today, for instance, I saw the coolest fucking thing ever. A stupid lady with her cell phone on speaker was sitting on the train. The dude I’m sitting directly across from didn’t even flinch. He nicely said, “Excuse me. Can you please turn that down?” And she did! It was fucking amazing. No joke. We need more of this motherfucker riding the rails. I’m too scared to get stabbed to ask anyone to stop doing something that’s annoying on the train. And I know that when I ask it would notbe as nice, therefore leading to an inevitable confrontation. This guy is a leader. A trailblazer of sorts. He should write a book. I’d read the shit out of it.

We’re on a public train and you’re just making a Goddamn racket with your abusive typing. What did your laptop ever do to you, huh? It’s provided all the smut you’ve ever desired. It’s let you check your email while on the way to work. So calm the fuck down and stop typing like a gorilla on meth you silly little fuck.

Honestly, I have no idea how you can have a lisp when you are an adult. I guess it’s like being drunk all the time. I’ve struggled with not being a drunk boob before, many times actually, and have intentionally attempted not slurring my s’s. It’s tough. But for goddamn sake man, don’t yell at the top of your lungs on the train if you’ve got a lisp. And more importantly, don’t say s’s. I’m just wait for you to bust out in a “sally sells seashells by the sea shore” rendition, any minute now.

I’m an asshole for making fun of his lisp? Fine. Then just shut the fuck up then. Let’s leave it at that.

Shut your fucking pie holes, please. There is absolutely no reason to be talking this early in the morning - unless you two have sex in each other’s assholes. Yes, that’s it. You two must be lovers.

Dude, just because you have a motorcycle, nobody will give a fuck about you. You are fat, and your seat is barely scraping on the rear wheel. So, just because you gas it and drive fast out of a red light, you are still a fat fucking idiot. You have no idea how much I hate you douches you rev your engine for no reason, and drive fast past my residence, which is so freaking loud. I am so goddamn tempted to throw tack strips out there to teach you a lesson. Fuck you.

Wow, this woman is a giant twat. Not an unusual occurrence, but a twat nonetheless.

Lakeysha Beard was charged with disorderly conduct after police said she got into a verbal altercation with passengers on the train. The other passengers complained she refused to put down her cellphone, even after train staff made repeated announcements for passengers to not use cellphones, according to police.

When a passenger confronted her about her loud talking, police said Beard got aggressive. She had reportedly been talking non-stop on the phone since getting on the train in Oakland, Calif.

Beard was taken into custody until a family member could come and pick her up.

I wish, WISH, I could have been witness to this miracle. Now, I’m not one to judge, but you can just tell she is a huge cunt. All pissed because she was at fault. Thank you Commuter God, thank you.

Dude, no exaggeration, I counted nine sneezes. NINE! Lay off the damn pepper bro. How allergic can you be to something where you sneeze nine times within a two minute span? Wear a SARS mask or something. You are making everyone uncomfortable on the train.

Every Goddamn day on the train. Just talking way too loud. There is absolutely no point in speaking as loud as he is. Why, you ask? Because the person he is talking to is sitting riht next to him. Closer than a normal person would be in typical conversation. Use your GD inside voice motherfucker.

You obviously need attention. Why else would you be yelling on an am train where people are just trying not to get too pissed because they are going to jobs they absolutely loathe. So go ahead and fucking ruin it then. Your conversation is just ungodly boring too. You lame annoying motherfucking motherfucker. Fuck you.

That’s absolutely fantastic that you decided to come into the city for the day, eat a ton, drink even more, now you are sitting on the rush hour train being loud and looking out the windows like a little five year old. You want one of those oversized lollipops to keep your manchild self busy? No? Then just sit there and shut up.

The three Indian fellows running their mouths on the am train into the city. You sound like you’re beating drums with your mouths when you talk. I continue to go back and forth as to whether it is better or worse if someone is speaking a different language while being loud and annoying in public. Right now, right this fucking second, it is worse. You guys sure crack yourselves up.

Not only are you yammering the entire train ride in, you are doing so with the silliest most retarded hair on the planet on top of your fugly mug. It looks like someone dropped a toupee from 25 feet up and it plopped on your head sideways.

I only attack your physical inadequacies because of your giant mouth that makes noise. If you shut the fuck up, I would leave you alone.

There are very few times you actually want to hear someone sing. Like this morning, for instance. Walking down the train platform belting out some shitty song, very shittily. Take your swag-ass lounge act shit back to your shower, where you belong, and drown yourself.

If I hear your kid yell “MOMMY!!” one more time I’m going to take my sock off and shove it in her fucking mouth. Teach your kids some respect, and how to act in public. You make me sick.

Go fuck yourselves!

Ask any scientist, the world is not spinning around you. You are not the center of the universe. The only thing you are, is incredibly fucking annoying.

I hate you, I hate your family (whom I have never met), and I hate your big fucking lips attached to your big fucking mouths.

There is no need for your ridiculous ringtone to be blasting during our quiet train commute. Although I thank you for picking up and going to the vestibule, the overly loud ringtone was way more than enough. Every phone nowadays has a vibrate setting. Most of us keep our phones permanently on this setting, so as to not disturb our fellow human beings. You might want to write that down.