Commuter Contempt

Dude has a bloody nose on the train. OK, that’s not so out of the ordinary really. Except he’s armed with a bag of cotton balls. Which leads me to believe this type of thing happens to you a lot. But the grossest part is, one of your used, bloody cotton balls just fell on the train floor. And it’s staring me in the fucking face. And I”m all grossed out. What is it about human blood that makes people squirm? Is that why Drs are paid so fucking much? I oculdn’t handle being an EMT, that’s for shit sure. One bloody cotton ball on the ground and I”m dry heaving.

I’m not even remotely joking. There is normally a sink right where this roll of toilet paper is. For those who don’t recognize this mess, I’m in the bathroom on the train. What is this some sort of cruel joke? Not even a pump of Purell located anywhere near here. Am I supposed to just grab a couple squares and be on my way? Yeah? Well the jokes on you fuckheads. I peed a little bit on my hands. So whatever I touch now will have little pieces of my urine on it. Suck it, no sink bathroom disgusting hellhole.

I’m fucking gagging right now. Seriously. I fucking love mayo. I put it on almost every sandwich I eat. even cheesesteaks, fuck it. But to just just pound mayo straight from the jar…it leaves me speechless. And not in a good way either. In a I just walked in on my parents having sex doggystyle kind of way.

Listen here lady. See, this is the type of shit you do at home when no one is looking. feel free to run to your fridge in your apartment and have at that beautiful jar of Hellman’s, but do not, for any reason, bring this shit into public. No one wants to see that shit. I don’t care if you don’t care, someone cares, and that someone is everyone. You disgust me you pig.

New York is fucking awesome, it really is. But they just straight suck donkey dick when it comes to sanitation. Like, wtf is this shit with leaving garbage on the side of the road to be picked up, or in this case leaving it on the train platform?!

Subway riders are being forced to wait on platforms that have plastic bags stuffed with foul-smelling dreck because the MTA regularly fails to meet its own garbage collection schedule, the Daily News has learned.

On an average night, MTA trash trains and garbage trucks don’t make it to more than 100 stations that are scheduled for a pickup, Metropolitan Transportation Authority data show.

There is no more real estate, right, I get it. But figure something the fuck out. In the summer, the stench of hot garbage is putrid. I think Bloomberg is doing it to cover up the homeless smell perhaps.

First rule - you are the last to join the party, so you best check yourself because big dicks in your ass is bad for your health. Don’t be an asshole and think you are badass with your elbows out or some shit. No, you are a chump who needs to pick a better timed train where you don’t have to sit in the middle seat.

This one fucking guy fell asleep in the middle seat with his arms crossed. Not really a problem other than the fact that they kept hitting me. This, I can live with. What I can’t live with is how his head was turned towards me, with his mouth gaping open and his horrible breath bouncing off the side of my face. The only thing I could do was be intentionally annoying myself by hitting my arms on his elbows so he would wake up and move his head. It was very successful, for about 2-3 seconds, when his head would roll right back to venting on my face. It was a no win situation.

Oh rule number 2 - respect thy fellow passenger.

And I”m not talking about me. I’m speaking of some odd dude who got on the bar car, and pitched up ON THE FLOOR sitting Indian style directly outside the bathroom. Now, I realize he put some shit on the floor to “protect” himself from whatever nasty elements are floating around this pool of germs, but where he is sitting has yucky blue poop water overflow the toilet all the time. I’m talking about random commuter poo and pee, mixed with some blue sanitation liquid rolling around all over the floor. And this guy is sitting right there. Think about it. What bathroom gets used the most on the train? Yup, the bar car bathroom.

To continue to beat a dead horse….And it was early when he sat down. Every seat in the bar car was open. And this mook said fuck it, I’m weird, my ass is sitting right hurr.

Moral of the story: to each their own…but that doesn’t make it not weird.

Your mouth is fucking foul. I mean, it’s disgusting. Of course you chose to sit next to me on the train. Of course, I attract all the winners. You are sitting there playing solitaire on your iPad with you mouth just gaping open. Breathing through it too. Perhaps you didn’t notice me leaning as far away as possible from you. With my hands over my nose. For fuck sake, it’s the universal halitosis choke signal. Go brush your mouth you twat.

There are very few things you should do in public. For instance: bowel movements, picking your nose, and wanking a quick one out. And let’s go ahead and throw clipping your nails into the ring as well.

It’s technically not the grossest thing ever, it’s just human cells, but the fact that the clippings just go flying wherever the fuck, that’s where things get dicey. And the sound is piercing. With every “CLINK”, you know you might get a fast crescent mooned shaped trimming to your retina. And imagine if it hit your lips? PFFFFFFT.

On the bright side, at least it was just his finger nails, right. C’mon let’s think positive people.

Whoever farted this morning on the train, you are a vile pig. I looked around and didn’t see one child in dirty diapers, yet that is exactly what the entire car smelled like. Hope you sharted a lil bit.

Because it sure smells a whole lot like bad-breath-armpits. You just had to put it on halfway through the train ride. I have been burning my nose hairs in an attempt to get this horrid smell out of my nasal.

I sat next to a guy on the train with the WORST morning breath ever. On top of that, he was a mouth breather! I was left with no other option than to get my ass up and stand in the vestibule. It just hung in the air like a thick fart, that mouth breath of his.

That was my seat. My ass sat halfway on the seat, and halfway on the shit that is “supporting” the seat. And to think this was the looker of the bunch too.

Here’s a closer look. There is probably bubonic plague in there from whenever the fuck the bubonic plague took place. Nasty ass shit.

And this, I think, is what a seat is supposed to look like. Ron Jeremy was probably sucking his own cock back when they manufactured this dinosaur.

It would probably improve your breathe. The reason you walk so slow down the street is because you are puffing on a goddamn chimney of a cigarette. You are disgusting. You disgust me. You probably live with your Mom. And you are probably very unhappy sexually. All of which I am not. Naturally. All because I do not smoke. You dick.