Commuter Contempt

You fucking kidding me? So under the section “buy online and save…” it says that I will no longer be able to save come 2012. Oh, and this is after a fare increase! Pure hysterical comedy.

It’s starting to get cold  out there folks. Snow has fallen, nipples are getting harder every day, and I’m putting on my gloves like a motherfucking hitman, EVERY single time.

There’s something so empowering about making a fist while wearing leather gloves. Nobody can fuck with you. It’s you against the world. And you’re winning every time. And not to mention the germ factor either. You can grab doorknobs at random, hold on to the escalator handle, punch in your pin at the ATM, and not give one shit. I don’t care if I’ll be feeling like the air is going through my pants in 3 months, fuck it, I get to wear gloves bitches!

I don’t like ANY food enough to paint my car to look like it. It’s not even like it’s a good paint job either. frankly the best thing about it are the seeds, and those don’t even look that good. And holy shit did this guy just mail it in when he started painting the rind.What a shit rind job.

Either that or he’s giving his imaginary friend a beej. Homeboy is just comatose!

I’ve never been able to understand how people just get that asleep on a train. Every time my body sense REM, I wake the fuck up. All paranoid and shit. I wake up worrying if I’m drooling or snoring. If only I could learn to be like this dude.

You are not at your house. Therefore, do not take your shoes off and lounge aorund as if you were laying down at home. Leave your shoes on while on mass transportation. It’s simple, right?

The answer is yes. A giant fucking YES. 

G’head, take anything you like…

Thank fucking God people have cameras just rolling in their cars 24/7 nowadays. 15 years ago, this would have been nothing but a funny story. Today, it’s the greatest thing I’ve seen all week.

You know when you fill up your tank and go to lock the pump handle in place and there’s nothing to enable you to accomplish this? I fucking hate that.

Listen, I want to spend money at your fucking gas station. But guess what? I’m not going to buy one more fucking thing besides this gas if you’re going to pull this shit. Fuck you. What’s the point of this anyhow? According to the world wide web, it’s so you don’t forget that you’re filling up and driving away. Or created static energy by going into your car. Well fuck that. When’s the last time you heard of a gas station going aflame because of static charge. Me? I’ve never heard that shit. But I have seen a ton of idiots drive away, thanks to fail blog.

Thanks to Google images, I found this fix. FTW!

What. The Fuck. Anyone else thinking they’re talking about trannys’ cock-to-vagina surgeries? Well, apparently I didn’t go to college for 9 years, because this is what it is.

WEDNESDAY, May 11 (HealthDay News) — In women, a vaginal mesh support is more effective for repairing a common type of pelvic organ prolapse — which occurs when pelvic organs fall out of place — than simply stitching the connective tissue in the vaginal wall muscle back together, finds new research.

But the newer procedure comes with a higher rate of serious complications during the surgery, such as bladder perforation and pelvic hemorrhage, and adverse events after the surgery, including new urinary incontinence and pain during sex, according to the study.

I didn’t know pelvic organs ever “fell out of place”. Frankly, I didn’t know there were, pelvic organs. But holy shit.

Train advertisement on LIRR. Thanks MetroAds!

Get it??

But I think I’d like to see it done at least one time. Ya know, just to see if and how it actually works.