Commuter Contempt

It’s not about being greedy. It’s about, that’s how many armrests there are on the plane. Everyone gets one, you dumb fuck who can’t arrange his flight so he doesn’t get stuck in the middle. You do get at LEAST one, and yes, you can lobby for two. But aren’t YOU the one being greedy now? Sorry you have to sit in the middle the entire flight, but Jesus Christ, shut the fuck up about it. You probably make it a point to ruin others’ flights because yours sucks giant donkey scholng. Fuck you, I say. Fuck you real good. Ah, ooh, push it.

I think you’re going to need hit “detour” on your navigation. Aint a chance in hell you’re getting past this. And good for you going 0mph, instead of the recommended 25mph. You’re well on your way to not dying today.

I don’t know exactly how it gets decided. Maybe they’re appointed them, maybe they get to pick them out for themselves. But every conductor’s ticket puncher is a different.

This guy, for instance, appears to be a fish. Or maybe it’s a duck. Fuck, maybe it’s a peace sign or a goddamn bunny rabbit. The point is, they’re like snowflakes. every one is unique.

If I were a conductor, mine would be in the shape of a penis. That’s right. Just to remind each and every passenger that they’re getting banged right in the ass every time they ride this motherfucker.

The train lavatory.  What’s up with the holes in the door? Why are the holes so high? Was this a lock? Where is the lock? Are they going to put the lock back on? Do they know it’s gone? Why am I obsessing over this lavatory door? Do I need professional help? Where can I get professional help? Did I just shart? Am I going to stick my fingers in my pants to check?

This person is thinking outside the box. most people would try to take the boot OFF the car. No no. This dude took the car OFF the boot.

It took me a minute to figure it out. I’m slow as a tractor on turtle speed sometimes.

I’m not even remotely joking. There is normally a sink right where this roll of toilet paper is. For those who don’t recognize this mess, I’m in the bathroom on the train. What is this some sort of cruel joke? Not even a pump of Purell located anywhere near here. Am I supposed to just grab a couple squares and be on my way? Yeah? Well the jokes on you fuckheads. I peed a little bit on my hands. So whatever I touch now will have little pieces of my urine on it. Suck it, no sink bathroom disgusting hellhole.

Gothamist makes us privy:

No amount of “Park(ing) Days” can mask the ugly truth that locating parking in the city is the worst—and going to a garage is an admission of defeat most drivers will do anything to avoid. So when one Park Slope resident’s car broke down on her block, she was relieved that her car was at least sitting in a legal spot in front of her neighbor’s house. But the neighbor wasn’t happy when the car sat there for two weeks, as the note above, which was left in the car’s windshield, suggests. You can read the whole account of their argument here, but here’s the real question: who is acting more passively-aggressively between the two?

You can’t really fault this lady person too much for strapping a cell phone to their head. At least she’s out there making moves. While you’re still in you car trying to text without looking at your iPhone keyboard. Or better yet, you driving with your phone on speaker, thinking that’s hands free. Where’s the phone when you do that, huh?

It’s tell me all about the many retards it’s had lean against it whilst on the bar car. Take me for example. I’m slightly buzzed, just wondering how many button-downs have had to lean against it to rub it’s beautiful black finish off. For starters, the train probably has been cleaned in 30 years, so I’m going to go with that as the standard amount of time.

Whatever you do, do NOT drop the cutout cock. Oh, and the pantograph is automatic, which means no more needless worrying about manual pantograhing anymore!

Seriously, what if there is a giant cutout cock behind that thing. Like I mean, a paper penis. And only the MTA would keep it behind lock and key, amirite? That’s what they use to fuck you in your ass on a monthly basis.

Homegirl got those shorts on. Somehow. exactly how she did it, remains to be seen. I’m guessing it had to do with a trampoline, half a canister of Crysco(R) and needle-nose pliers. Just guessin’.

Now, I don’t think she looks at all. In fact, thicky-thick is kind of hot. I’m just saying, those are some tight fucking shorts. That’s all. However you want to take it, take it that way. But those are some tight shorts that make me wonder how a beautiful woman of her size managed to squeak in there. That’s all.