Commuter Contempt

You fucking kidding me? So under the section “buy online and save…” it says that I will no longer be able to save come 2012. Oh, and this is after a fare increase! Pure hysterical comedy.

These broads have been yucking it up the entire train ride to the city. And the worst part is, it appears they take this train everyday. Meaning, I now have to watch out and make sure I don’t sit near them ever again. Yeesh, the burden I carry…

- Train Conductor aboard the Metronorth line in NY in regards to a rider not being able to find their ticket.

I know conductors have probably heard every single line in the book. “Oh man, I JUST had my ticket,” “Someone must’ve stolen it.” or “You don’t know me! Fuck you!”

So I normally feel for them. But yesterday I witnessed first hand a conductor just jumping ugly without proper provocation.

The rider was like, “I’m looking for my ticket. I did just have it. I’m not trying to pull anything over on you.” To which the conductor just says, like a dick, “Find it.” That was all. Nothing more, nothing less. And it was said in a less than pleasant manner. Like, jeez, thanks for the awesome advice Mr. Conductor man. What a great idea! Maybe I should just find it!

End of the story the conductor came back, the gentleman was unable to locate his ticket and paid $20 for an onboard one-way.

I will give the conductor this. He did apologize afterwards. But only after quoting the ticket price as $7,258…

- Some ANONYMOUS douchebag troll on Commuter Contempt site who can’t figure out how the comments section works so submits a question stating most unoriginal content ever.

Either that or he’s giving his imaginary friend a beej. Homeboy is just comatose!

I’ve never been able to understand how people just get that asleep on a train. Every time my body sense REM, I wake the fuck up. All paranoid and shit. I wake up worrying if I’m drooling or snoring. If only I could learn to be like this dude.

You are not at your house. Therefore, do not take your shoes off and lounge aorund as if you were laying down at home. Leave your shoes on while on mass transportation. It’s simple, right?

I sat there because I thought, “who the fuck would shit in a public bathroom, let alone a bathroom onboard a disgusting train to begin with? So what’s the difference if I’m sitting outside the bathroom” Well, apparently the answer is, multiple people would shit in there.

For instance, this morning two disgusting human beings shit in the train bathroom. Want to know how I know? Because I sat outside and could SMELL their shit. No joke. The smell of human asshole permeated the car. I just can’t do it again. Never again.

I somehow managed to get the solo seat on the train this morning. Which can only mean one thing, my day might now just giant balls. I pray to God today goes smooth and people don’t piss me off too much. So far so good. But you never know with these unpredictable humans.

Sure, I know you make shit grow and stuff, but you absolutely fuck up my commute.

People drive like pussies, my windshield wipers suck, and the fucking train I take leaks water. Even though I’m 75% of what you are, you still piss me off.

It’s as if you WANT to sit in the middle. Seriously, it’s 12 minutes before the train leaves and you don’t even bother to look for your own seat. you walk right onto the train and demand to sit in the middle. It’s fucking disturbing, really. You, as a human being, should want to sit as far away as possible from other human beings. Oh, and I hate you.

You know they’re gross. But you never really thought about it. You never thought about just how disgusting they are. Well, here’s your answer, they are the nastiest thing you touch, on your way to work.

Gas pump handles turned out to be the filthiest surface that Americans encounter on the way to work, according to a study released on Tuesday by Kimberly-Clark Professional, a unit of personal hygiene giant Kimberly-Clark Corp.

A team of hygienists swabbed hundreds of surfaces around six U.S. cities to see what everyday objects are breeding grounds for the worst bacteria and viruses.

The top offenders, following gas pumps, were handles on public mailboxes, escalator rails and ATM buttons.

Closely following on the filthiest list were parking meters and kiosks, crosswalk buttons and buttons on vending machines in shopping malls.

“It comes down to the fact that nobody cleans the things that you’re going to touch on a daily basis,” said Dr. Kelly Arehart, program leader of Kimberly-Clark’s Healthy Workplace Project.

It’s shit like this that makes me not want to leave the house. Ever.

I’m not a germaphobe, but I completely understand them. EVERY time I take money out of the ATM, every time I fill up my car, I DO think about just how filthy these objects are. Germs can’t die fast enough in between people touching them.

I’d also like to add to the list the following:

• Train door handles
• Anything on a subway

Fuck this germy world. I’m buying a 12-pack of Isotoners and wearing them 24/7. No joke. The ones with the grips so I don’t drop my beer.

Because this is really fucking annoying. And when I roll down my windows with condensation, you know only a little but gets wiped off. Or how about defrost systems for the side windows? The rear defrost works so much better than the front one, meaning I wouldn’t care if I had those black lines all around my car windows. Fuck it, you can’t mess with success.

Because it doesn’t even work. I look like a giant ass plugging my laptop in that needs charging, only to have it not even turn on. Sweet. Guess that’s going to happen on a train that is at least 40 years old. The old, set em up to fail, prank. Wells done you MTA cunts.

Metro North New Haven Line will see an increase in fares coming as soon as the beginning of next year.

• A 5.25% fare increase effective January 2012.
• A 19.25% fare increase over the next seven years.

Basically, my ticket is increasing by almost $20 next year. And almost $70 over the next seven years. There isn’t anything more in line for me to say than go fuck yourself MTA. Suck a giant, syphalitic dick.

You know when you fill up your tank and go to lock the pump handle in place and there’s nothing to enable you to accomplish this? I fucking hate that.

Listen, I want to spend money at your fucking gas station. But guess what? I’m not going to buy one more fucking thing besides this gas if you’re going to pull this shit. Fuck you. What’s the point of this anyhow? According to the world wide web, it’s so you don’t forget that you’re filling up and driving away. Or created static energy by going into your car. Well fuck that. When’s the last time you heard of a gas station going aflame because of static charge. Me? I’ve never heard that shit. But I have seen a ton of idiots drive away, thanks to fail blog.

Thanks to Google images, I found this fix. FTW!