Commuter Contempt

You fucking kidding me? So under the section “buy online and save…” it says that I will no longer be able to save come 2012. Oh, and this is after a fare increase! Pure hysterical comedy.

Real or fake. Who really cares anymore. Amirite?

“Lemme just grab my chainsaw…because I have a chainsaw…because it’s my job”

“Lemme just stop this cab in the perfect spot to tape…because I had my camera out…because I’m a blogger”

Answer: a whole bunch of shit.

It’s like the homeless hub of train tickets. Motherfuckers just crowded around trying to stay warm. Most of them are probably from the 70’s and 80’s. Oldtimers who pass on wisdom to the newer ticket stubs. You can tell like colors stay together. It’s for safety reasons, obviously. It’s get or get got under there. Only the strong survive. Upon further review, it’s a bunch of shit no one has picked up during the course of the NINETY YEARS it appears this piece of shit has been running.

Yup, that was me this morning.

Could not catch a fucking break whatsoever. It’s like shitty dominoes. Except, instead of the dominoes falling over one after the other, and being unlimited amount of cheap fun, the dominoes stand up into your face and won’t let you drive through them. Of course you could just push the goddamn thing down and go through to the next one, but someone might write your ass a giant ticket. Instead, you just wait there because at the end of the day, it doesn’t fucking matter. If you miss your train, or are late to a meeting, so bit it. Or buy a damn helicopter.

Which means, OF COURSE, I forgot my monthly ticket at home sitting in my desk drawer.

The thing arrives on March 25th, which is way too early for my dumb ass to remember to grab it on the 1st, ans also way too early where I think another piece of paper in my wallet is going to be way too much for me to handle and I’m sure I will remember it for the beginning of next month in 6 days.

Bottom line - I am a giant fucking asshole.

I’m fine for the ride in, when they take your last month’s ticket, but I know the usual miserable fuck train conductor on my ride home will be a giant turd. Really looking forward to that. My name is in their database, look it the fuck up.

This guy got soft served.

Just because you are licensed to transport people from place to place for money doesn’t mean that you always can, as Oner Ismail learned recently. On Sunday morning, the limo driver was working his second job as a Mister Softee driver when he witnessed five partygoers unable to hail a cab to the next party destination. So he did what any good business man would do - pulled over and gave them a ride to the next club, for a price. Unfortunately for Ismail, a nearby taxi enforcement officer was watching. Needless to say, he was unamused and slapped Ismail with a freezing cold fine of $350. It just goes to show that not all sweet gestures pay off.

Really? You must be fucking joking. Taxi Enforcement Officer?! He must have been recently promoted from station janitor.