Commuter Contempt

Flying is a necessary evil. No one REALLY likes to fly. Unless you are a child and it’s your first time. Or you have dreamed your whole life that you should die in a plane crash. Other than that, no one wants to step foot on a metal canister to fly through the sky like humans were never intended to do. And then this shit happens.

Travelers on at least four planes were stranded on the tarmac of an airport in Connecticut for more than seven hours Saturday leaving some without food, water or working toilets.

The planes ran out of snacks and bottled water midway through the long delay, according to reports. There also was no running water for the bathrooms, rendering them unusable.

Holy shit, what I wouldn’t have given to have had access to a webcam to watch shit go down on that plane. I can totally see this turning into Lord Of The Flies real fucking fast. Flight attendants must have been ready to impale themselves on some plastic cutlery halfway through. If there are two things people need as a necessity for happiness, it’s working toilet and peanuts. You lose one of those, and you’re looking at a long afternoon. You lose both of them well, you better pull the emergency chute that that guy a couple years back, grab a six pack and head for the hills.

Way to go Jet Blue, and the entire airline industry. What a shitshow.

Sure, I know you make shit grow and stuff, but you absolutely fuck up my commute.

People drive like pussies, my windshield wipers suck, and the fucking train I take leaks water. Even though I’m 75% of what you are, you still piss me off.

And we all know I’m dead wrong…

What is it about having to get gas that sucks a giant cock? I think it’s a combination between the extreme prices and the utter inconvenience. “If only they could invent a car that ran on water!” Nope. You would still have to fill it the fuck up, and it would suck.

A for fucking effort. Really. You gave it your best. Left it all out on the field, only to come away with a heartbreaking loss.

F for fucking intelligence. you really didn’t think that one through did ya pal?

My favorite part is when the thought they had it. And then it came crashing down right in front of their fat inbred faces. Yeah, that was cool.

Taking the train home. Arrived early to set up shop - having grabbed myself a prime real estate seat. 

It had been raining all day in NY, so I am just waiting for some sort of commuter shit somewhere to hit the fan at any given time. But what happened next made it clear that it would most likely not. Manifesting before my eyes was the land of milk and honey of all train seats. A three seater with still water sitting on one seat. Water in the sense that the wet, shitty train car had leaked through the ceiling at some point during the day.

Quickly grabbing the inner-most seat I knew I would be by my lonesome, thankfully, for the entire ride home. Well, the ride home was fine. Great actually. But every point in between, before and at every stop sucked ass. When I tell you that I had to “warn” over twenty fucking people that there was water on the seat, it almost became tiresome. So fucking bad did I want to let one of these unknowing fucks sit in water, but I just could not bring myself to do it.

Surprisingly, most people were nice and appreciated my selflessness. However, there were a few ornery doucheheads that thought I was making this shit up. As if I dripped Poland Spring on the seat so I wouldn’t have to sit next to them. Not that I would not have… But I didn’t.

Bottom line, sitting next to no one on the train is fucking awesome! The raw deal is, most people suck. And you gain no value in being near them. So I leave you with this bit of sage advice… If it is raining out, arrive early and sprinkle water on the seat next to yours. Fuck it. You will be able to live with yourself afterwards. I know I will.